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Haboob Hootenanny! 

Your guide to the stormy moments on the 2014 campaign trail

As the Aug. 26 primary election draws near, we're taking a look back at some of the finest moments we've seen on the campaign trail.

Candidates for governor, Congress, attorney general and a bunch of other offices have spent millions of dollars, made dozens of bogus promises and flung buckets of mud.

We're sure that any endorsements from the Weekly would only hurt GOP candidates that we think would be good public servants.

So rather than try to tell you how to vote, we're just gonna sit back with some popcorn and see how this whole thing plays itself out.

In the meantime, enjoy a reminder of these fond moments.

Adam Kwasman mistakes bus of YMCA for migrant children with "fear on their faces"

In a moment so spectacular it made the Colbert Report, state Rep. Adam Kwasman tried to boost his congressional campaign by exploiting the scheduled arrival of Central American migrant youth at a facility north of Tucson. He told Phoenix TV news reporter Brahm Resnik that he saw "fear in their faces" when a yellow school bus rolled by. Resnik interrupted Kwasman to inform him that the kids were actually Marana schoolchildren on their way to a nearby YMCA camp. "They were sad, too," Kwasman tried to explain, before apologizing to Resnik. We'll have to wait until Election Day to see if Kwasman got the legendary Colbert Bump.

Gary Kiehne's Funny Numbers

At a Florence debate, Congressional District 1 candidate Gary Kiehne suggested that 99 percent of all mass shootings were committed by Democrats—a statistic he had picked up from a mass email that landed in his in-box. Kiehne later apologized, saying: "Simply put, I shouldn't have made that comment." Kiehne also offered up a theory as to why more Vietnamese refugees hadn't entered the United States after the end of the Viet Nam war: "How many illegal aliens, I mean, how many people did we bring here after the Vietnam conflict? Half a million? 300,000? Know why we didn't get 11 million? They couldn't swim that far."

Oh, Snap: Ducey vs. Jones

Arizona Treasurer Doug Ducey smacked first-time candidate Christine Jones in a gubernatorial debate, saying the former GoDaddy.com attorney didn't play a significant role at the online startup and concluding that "I don't know what qualifies you for this race except your wallet." Jones later responded by telling the Arizona Capitol Times that Ducey was a "misogynistic jerk."

The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name

While she has spent most of her campaign attacking the Obama administration, gubernatorial candidate Christine Jones suggested a kinder, gentler approach after Obama won the 2012 election. In a Facebook post, Jones said: "Four more years. Get excited and find a way to support the new President of the United States of America!"

Jones also came under fire from a group of veterans after her political opponents uncovered a comment she made about Hillary Clinton as part of a package of predictions for 2013: "Americans, regardless of party-affiliation or political involvement, will begin to realize what an effective Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was, as her replacement begins to be scrutinized for failing to live up to the incredibly high standard she set."

Team Jones responded with a statement insisting she did not support Clinton: "Any comment Christine made in the past about Hillary Clinton was in the context of comparing her to others in the Obama administration. As bad as she is, even Hillary Clinton looks good when you compare her to the likes of John Kerry, Eric Holder, Susan Rice, and Barack Obama."

Siren Song

Attorney Christine Jones turned up at an event honoring Sheriff Joe Arpaio and asked the crowd: "Do you know this guy goes down into the desert and puts out water so people won't die coming across the Rio Grande?" After her brief foray into geography, Jones serenaded Arpaio with a takeoff on a song from Wicked, but all her efforts came to naught: Arpaio instead endorsed Doug Ducey.

Frank Riggs, Sexy Man

Republican gubernatorial dark horse Frank Riggs posed shirtless as he worked out in a TV ad aimed at showing how tough and buff the former California congressman is.

Riggs' ad violated a fundamental rule of political advertising: "Don't ask, don't show."

Attorney General Tom Horne's Long List of Scandals

It's hard to pick just one of the many scandals that have dogged Attorney General Tom Horne. The question of whether he coordinated with an independent campaign committee, as alleged by Yavapai County Attorney Sheila Polk and Maricopa County Attorney Bill Montgomery? The question of whether he had his top AG staff working on his reelection effort on state time, as a former staffer has alleged? The question of whether he put a girlfriend on the payroll and then fled the scene of a parking-lot hit-and-run after he had a fender bender while on a lunch date with her, as alleged by the press? Whatever the latest, it's no surprise that GOP challenger Mark Brnovich is asking rhetorical questions like: "Do you want an attorney general who has worked with law enforcement to investigate criminal activity or one who has been investigated for criminal activity?"

Attorney General Tom Horne's Long List of Scandals

It's hard to pick just one of the many scandals that have dogged Attorney General Tom Horne. The question of whether he coordinated with an independent campaign committee, as alleged by Yavapai County Attorney Sheila Polk and Maricopa County Attorney Bill Montgomery? The question of whether he had his top AG staff working on his reelection effort on state time, as a former staffer has alleged? The question of whether he put a girlfriend on the payroll and then fled the scene of a parking-lot hit-and-run after he had a fender bender while on a lunch date with her, as alleged by the press? Whatever the latest, it's no surprise that GOP challenger Mark Brnovich is asking rhetorical questions like: "Do you want an attorney general who has worked with law enforcement to investigate criminal activity or one who has been investigated for criminal activity?"

Sen. Al Melvin Drops Out of Race for Governor

Many people laughed when Sen. Al Melvin said he was going to run for governor because they could see no path to victory for the cranky, three-term lawmaker from SaddleBrooke, especially given the crowded field. Sure enough, Melvin dropped out of the race once he realized he couldn't even qualify for Clean Elections—a feat managed by disbarred attorney Andrew Thomas. Seriously, Al: what were you thinking?

More by Jim Nintzel

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