Hello, Mr. Wray. This is John from the National Rifle Association. How are you doing tonight?"
Mr. Wray, as a life member of the NRA, I know you are concerned with our right to bear arms. Are you aware of Obama's under-the-radar effort to destroy our Second Amendment rights?
You mean President Obama?
Good. Now, what were you complaining about?"
Well, er, President Obama is conducting an under-the-radar attack on our right to bear arms.
What makes it under the radar?
His administration is not talking about it.
Then how do you know what he plans to do?
Well, Mr. Wray, look no further than his appointees. Consider that Attorney General Eric Holder is on the record as wanting to bring back the Clinton ban on assault weapons.
Attorney General Holder brought that up within a month of his appointment and was quickly shut down by the president. I haven't heard a peep since. What else you got?
Um, he appointed two of the most rabidly anti-gun Supreme Court justices in history. A second term may give President Obama the chance to appoint three more justices.
So, our liberal president appointed two liberal justices. What a surprise! I worry about the court becoming unbalanced as well, but it's hard for me to interpret Supreme Court nominees as an assault on my gun rights.
Mr. Wray, are you aware that this administration reversed long-standing American opposition and now supports an international arms-trade treaty that will restrict gun ownership in this country? O ... er ... President Obama knows he can't get restrictive gun rules through the U.S. Congress, so he's going to come at our guns through the United Nations.
You know, I've been seeing those emails, so I started doing some checking. It turns out that the U.N. treaty is aimed at restricting dealers who provide arms to terrorists, insurgencies, rebellions and civil wars. There is specific wording in place, put there by the United States, to protect national sovereignty regarding firearms purchase and ownership.
But Mr. Wray, our people have done extensive research, and we know that President Obama wants to restrict gun ownership.
Sure, you know that—even though all he's ever said is that he supports the Second Amendment and has no plans to take anyone's guns. In fact, he's signed a law permitting guns in national parks and signed another law allowing guns in checked baggage on Amtrak trains.
Those were just a diversion, Mr. Wray, to hide his true objectives.
So, even when President Obama does exactly what you guys want, you don't give him credit. Did all of you intern at Pravda?
I am truly worried about gun control. I've been in Great Britain and Australia and Canada and talked with the people there who've had their guns taken away. I know it can be done, and there are people here who want to do the same thing. That's why I'm a life member of the NRA. But the way the NRA demonizes the president and creates crises where there are none is abhorrent to me. And that's not all. When then-Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot his friend while quail-hunting, the NRA went totally silent. I know the Bush administration was a big supporter of the right to bear arms, but for an organization like the NRA, which runs the largest firearms-safety-training program in the world, to play dead rather than criticize an administration official's obvious hunting error was pathetic.
In addition, John, the NRA created the mass hysteria following President Obama's election that resulted in ammunition and reloading supplies disappearing off the shelves. You did that, and all you can say now is, "This time, he's really going after our guns!"
Sorry, John. Somehow, the words "NRA" and "trust" don't fit together for me. But, hey, thanks for calling.