Ask a Mexican!
by Gustavo Arellano
Dear Readers: Your faithful Mexican is putting the final touches on his coming magnum opus, Taco USA: How Mexican Food Conquered America (out in April 2012) and is thus at the rancho, getting handmade tortillas made by his chica in pigtails while I work on rewrites. But instead of a "best of" columna, I've decided to print excerpts from one of my all-time-favorite reader interactions.
Remember back in 2007, when I asked ustedes who are half-Mexican and half-something else to tell us what you call yourselves? The brilliant, hilarious responses show how genius the Mexi brain truly is. Space doesn't allow your local rag to print all of the responses, so below are just some of the best. You can find the full list online at www.ocweekly.com/2007-09-20/columns/ask-a-mexican. In the meanwhile, enjoy and see you in una semana!
Half-African: Afrijoles.
Half-anything: Inbetweener-Beaner.
Half-Arab: Garbanzo Beaner, America's Worst Nightmare.
Half-Australian: Aussican, Dingoles (say like frijoles), Fosters Especial, Mexi-roo, Ortegamite, Wallican.
Half-Black: Black beans, Blaxican, Bro-Vato, Choco-Taco, Choligger, Mack, Mexiblack, Mexicoon, Negrexican, Tino Noir, Watermexican, Wetblack.
Half-British: Limey Beans.
Half-Canadian: Canexican.
Half-Caribbean: Carribeaner
Half-Chinese: Chexican, Chinacan, Chinkano, Combination Plate, Mexinese, Rice 'N' Beans, Soy Bean.
Half-Eskimo: Mexkimo.
Half-Filipino: ChicaPina (for Chicana and Pinay, which is a Tagalog slang term for Filipina), Chilipino, Filixan, Filitino, Flipamex, Flippican, JalaPinoy, Mexipino.
Half-French: Frenchican.
Half-Gabacho: Amerilanga (combination of American and chilanga, a nickname for someone from Mexico City), Caucano, Chicangüera, Gabaxicano, GMC (Gringo-Mexico cross), Güerexican, Latinglo, Mexiglos, Mixican, Pochingo (half-pocho, half-gringo), Whispanic, White Bean.
Half-German: Beanerschnitzel, Chili Kraut, Germexican, Wiener Beaner.
Half-Hawaiian: Jalapiña, pineapple salsa.
Half-Indian (the India kind): Curry tamale.
Half-Indian (the Indian kind): Apachichano, Cherocano, Cheyennexican, Commanchano, Mexiskin (half-Mexican, half-Redskin), Navacano, Navajole, Navajo Taco.
Half-Irish: Celtic Aztec, green bean, Irlandicanos, Leprecano, McBeaner, McSpic, Mick Spoc, O'Beaner, Paddy-Mex.
Half-Italian: Mexican Pizza, Mexitalian, Spicawop, Spic-talian, Wopsican.
Half-Japanese: Japanic, Mexanese.
Half-Jewish: Jalapeño bagel, Jumex (also the name of a delicious Mexican fruit-nectar drink), Kahlua-Jewa, Kosher Burrito, Mexi-Jew.
Half-Lebanese: Lebxican, Mediterraxican, Mexiterranean (for those from the Mediterranean region in general).
Half-Norwegian: Lutefiskan, Mexinorske, Norskecan.
Half-Oklahoman: Chokies, Okie-Frijoles.
Half-Portuguese: Mexi-guese, Pork and Beans.
Half-Puerto Rican: Bori-Mex, Messyrican, Mexiricaña, MexiRican, Porto-Mex.
Half-Redneck: Rednexican, Redback, Wetneck.
Half-Russian: Brown Russian.
Half-Salvadoran: Salvexican.
Half-Samoan: Samexican.
Half-Scottish: McRiguez, Scottsican.
Half-Somali: Hot Somali.
Half-Swiss: Swexican, Swexicano.
Half-Ukrainian: Borscheros, Cossackeros, Kievicans, Pysankeros.
Half-White: Honky-Tonk, Gringateca, Mejiyanqui, Mexi-melts, Whics.
The final, wisest word goes to a full-blooded gabacho: How about an American, like all of us mutts?
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