Favorite

¡Ask a Mexican! 

Dear Mexican: What punishment could America give that would FINALLY make crossing America's borders—repeatedly—unpalatable to Mexicans? Even Mexican natives admit that it is at least as harmful to Mexico as it is to America, and the "needless paperwork" in our immigration process is to TRY to filter out habitual criminals and recidivism, and to slant the incoming population to those MOST LIKELY to assimilate.

Remember, our original immigration requirements were "good moral character" and a "working knowledge of English." Or have America's recent military defeats in Korea, Vietnam and possibly Afghanistan (depending who you ask) simply removed any and all respect Mexico might once have had for America and our ability to protect our borders? And, if so, when can we expect Mexico to OFFICIALLY declare war on America?

Mines, Mines, Mines!

Dear Gabacho: Actually, the only punishment that would make Mexicans stop coming over no nos affect us: Gabachos would bear the brunt of socialism.

For the pinche umpteenth time, Mexicans migrate to the United States—like nearly every immigrant in this country's history—to better their life, and because gabachos won't do the jobs chinks and micks and slopeheads and wabs and wops do at the rates for which they're willing to work. Stop getting your "original immigration requirements" from Wikipedia, and then wonder how ethnic enclaves have been part of this country since the Cajuns. We still respect los Estados Unidos—how can you not give props to a failing empire?

And one final debunking of your delusions: Mexico has been fighting the United States since the Spanish Armada set sail for England—except now, the only Black Legend in our camp pertains to Guatemala.


Zack de la Rocha, a person I admire as an activist and musician, has described his hometown of Irvine, Calif., as one of the most racist cities imaginable. He once stated, "If you were a Mexican in Irvine, you were there because you had a broom or a hammer in your hand."

Being a Mexican who lives in Irvine and who looks like a Mexican (chaparro y prieto), I've never felt discriminated against in any way—in fact, I think of Irvine as a city that embraces diversity. I've only lived here for the past five years or so; has that not always been the case, or could it be that I'm looked down upon, and I'm too much of a pendejo to realize it? Does Irvine have a racist past that I'm unaware of?

Barranca Babobos

Dear Readers: Forgive this too-provincial pregunta, but it allows me to publicly call out de la Rocha, one of the great musicians of this generation who unfortunately is acting like Dylan after his motorcycle accident.

Hey, Zack: Where's your solo album? Why the Rage Against the Machine mini-reunion instead of you pushing that amazing rap-rock-son jarocho fusion you were toying with a couple of years back? Why stick around in the progressive paradise called Los Angeles instead of fully committing yourself to the fight against your demented homeland of Orange County? Eres chingón, pero ya no mames, güey: Marching and organizing against Arpayaso is vital, but we need you to remain relevant to the rest of America by putting out new music.

As for why you haven't experienced racism, Barranca Baboso: Irvinites probably think you're Persian. And don't use Wikipedia for pulling quotes.


Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net; be his fan on Facebook; follow him on Twitter; or ask him a video question at youtube.com/askamexicano!

More by Gustavo Arellano

  • Ask a Mexican!

    • Dec 31, 2015
  • Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Readers: This guy followed with me in a private email that whined, "I don't think you have the balls" to publish his letter. Well, guess what, Chicano Charlie? Not only do I have the huevos, I also have the facts.
    • Dec 24, 2015
  • Ask a Mexican!

    Gentle cabrones: Behold the Mexican's annual Mexican Christmas guide, where I recommend the best Mexi-themed libros for you to give to your loved ones this Navidad instead of yet another tamale to unwrap. Buy them at your local bookstore, or order online, but do buy.
    • Dec 17, 2015
  • More »

Comments (5)

Showing 1-5 of 5

Add a comment

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-5 of 5

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

The Range

Wednesday at the DNC

Pokémon Go in the Gardens (Plus a Plant Sale!)

Suppport Tucson Students' by Donating School Supplies

More »

Latest in Ask a Mexican!

  • Ask a Mexican!

    • Dec 31, 2015
  • Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Readers: This guy followed with me in a private email that whined, "I don't think you have the balls" to publish his letter. Well, guess what, Chicano Charlie? Not only do I have the huevos, I also have the facts.
    • Dec 24, 2015
  • More »

© 2016 Tucson Weekly | 7225 Mona Lisa Rd. Ste. 125, Tucson AZ 85741 | (520) 797-4384 | Powered by Foundation