Comment Archives: stories: Cinema: Cinema Feature
Re: “James DiGiovanna's List of Films That Will Not Be Opening This Summer”
He missed a few:
The Help 2: American Poop Pie
The Descendants 2: The Rescendants!
The Iron Lady vs. Real Steel
Girls-With-Dragon-Tattoos Gone Wild!
Midnight in Paris Hilton
Transformers: Dork of the Poon
Kung Fu Panda vs. Gina Carano
The Girl With the Kraken Tattoo Above Her Crack
Hugo 2: Horton Hears a Hugo
The Sisterhood of the Pantsless Kardashians
The Muppets Take Xanax
Margin Call 2: Margin Skype
The Rides of Marge
The Tree of Lifetime Channel
Harry Potter and the Hermione Booty Call
The She-Nerd With the Dungeons & Dragons Tattoo
Tintin 2: Aluminum-num
The Girl With the Ragged Caboose
The Rise of the Planet of the Apes 2: Apes on a Plane
Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Telemarketer
Bridesmaids 4: Metermaids
Fun With Dick and Jane Eyre
The Lorax 2: When Loraxes Attack!
My Week With Marilyn Chambers
My Week With Marilyn Manson
My Shabbat With Marilu Henner
The Dragon With the Goth-Girl Tattoo
Octopuss in Boots
Moneyball 2: Creditpuck
Moneyball 3: Checkshuttlecock
Albert Nobbs Has No Knob
Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close & Astoundingly Sweaty
Re: “Killer Performance”
You're right, Bob...but the article was praising Mr. Black's acting talent, not his hilarity, alleged or otherwise. I might just give this one a look-see as it sounds like one hell of a story.
Re: “Killer Performance”
The guy is not funny......sorry....but he ain't......
Re: “The Summer Movie Preview”
How about a couple of stories on Bruce Willis's dickiness....................
Re: “Philosophy Over Memory”
Colin Boyd did a terrific job reviewing this work since there are so few common touchstones to rely on. How can you describe such a piece! It's extraordinary. Makes you scratch your head, look away, look back again, dream, consider possibilities, look again, remember. In this day of homogenized humanity, Pina forces you to realize that other interpretations of reality, thank God, still exist!
~L. Kaufman
Re: “Corpse of a Film”
Dark Shadows is a big film.
Re: “Been There, Done That”
Great review!
However, there are two redundancies in this sentence: "Upon his arrival in New York, Aladeen is kidnapped and tortured (by John C. Reilly in a brief walk-on), and his beard is removed so nobody will recognize the Supreme Oppressor's dead corpse."
A walk-on is brief by definition, and 100% of corpses are dead.
Re: “The Reggae King”
RE: "While I'm at it, I hate most jazz, too!".
Well thanks for fessin' up to your unsurprising bland range of taste "Grimmy". I guess its no coincidence then, that your 'picture-show reports' are typically about as insightful as a slow, thudding 4/4 "New Country" pop tune. (At least Joe Bob Briggs knew he was a parody of a reviewer....but he could also actually be clever.)
Re: “Worthy of the Hype”
Whoops, sorry..Whedon just cowrote "Cabin", apparently (got some bad info from another review).
Re: “Worthy of the Hype”
Actually Bob, Whedon also directed "Cabin in the Woods" - which sat on the shelf for 2 years due to MGM's financial troubles, and is also getting rave critical reviews...
Re: “Worthy of the Hype”
What about a movie on Rogue Trooper?????...............
Re: “Familiar Failure”
For MikeB, I assert that while it is relevant to the effort as a whole how closely or competently adapted the movie is, or the quality of the book itself, the real emphasis in a movie review is how the movie stands on its own as a movie. Often reading the book is informative as to what the movie might have intended or how it failed; sometimes it proves the brilliance of the adapters. Two examples come to mind: "Carrie" was a fairly short novel that was more than anything else of hint of what Stephen King was later able to do, but the movie version realizes the story and character much better. And if you liked the movie "Cocoon", stay far away from the book upon which it was sort of based; it was awful.
That said, and as a sort-of disclaimer: having read the first four "Game of Thrones" books, all three "Dragon Tattoo" books, and the first "Hunger Games" book, I look forward to watching for the first time season 1 of "Game of Thrones" and "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo", and will see "Hunger Games" when it comes out on premium cable. (After I read the books I then also watched the Swedish Dragon Tattoo trilogy; the American version will be an interesting comparison.) But I stand by my original assertion that a movie review should evaluate the movie primarily as such, independent of the source material or stories surrounding the making of the movie.
Re: “Familiar Failure”
This might not matter as far as your film review goes, but the outfits as portrayed in the movie pretty much match the descriptions in the book. Clown-like and ridiculous. This review feels like it is from someone who never read the books, and I think the movie was designed for people who had.
Re: “Speaking for the Trees”
"this is the first time a Dr. Seuss movie is less scandalous than the book itself" == whaaa???
I am trying to think of a Dr. Seuss movie that is scandalous.... Were you thinking instead of Henry Miller?
Re: “Better Bella”
I think some critics are afraid to say oscar nominated people can do wrong. This movie is not the best of Bill Condon just like some oscar nominated actors and actressess are mediocre at best in spite of their oscar nods. Salma Hayek, Halle Berry, Jennifer Lawrence tend to give terrible performances but sometimes critics don't want to say so since these actresses carry their oscar nominated status wherever they go. And it's the same with directors. This movie proves that bill condo abilities are overrated. Even Chriz weiz made a better job with this crappy saga.
Re: “Bounty Blahs”
So's I'm watchin' the latest flick from Katie Heigl. Lemme tell ya, that dame's eyes are too far apart. Can't trust a fish-facey mug like that, though I'd still bone her. Who wouldn't?
See, the problem with that Katie Hi-girl is her movies are always mounds of turdage. Katie took a dump on her "Gray's Proctology" gig. Then she's in "Knackered Up" and what the fock does the bizzatch do in an interview? Drops a loaf on Judd Appachow, calling his sh*t "sexist." So yeah, Katie's a real ballbuster.
Anyhoo, here's Katie's new slab of sh*it-ema, "One for the Monkey." She plays a bail-bondsman, kinda when Ma'am Grier was in "Jockey Brown" playing opposite Robert Forskin. Lil' Katie Hi-Girl ain't as bitchin' as Grier and there sure as shag ain't no Quentin Tarantoenail at the helm. No way, this is a jive-ass production of the likes not seen since the last time Cameron Diaz threw a bulimiac slumber party. Talk about ho-bags in sleeping-bags.
I'm all up in the front row of the theater and my rear shanks get to itchin'. That's how I know this movie sucks rectal tunnel like a meth hooker on a silly straw. Speaking of the oldest profession, "One (Handjob) for the Money" has a character who is a hooker with a blood-pumper of precious metal, or "heart of gold" as the confused leprechauns say. She will even turn (verbal) tricks in exchange for Eegee's sandwiches. No word on her policy toward Eegee's jizzy fries.
"Eve Plumb for the Money" is the worst toilet-load of accumulated excrement I've ever seen outside of the Reese Withered-poon films they showed me when I was strapped down and my eyes clamped open for reprogramming. Real whorer-show.
This movie is like a drunken polar bear on roller skates who has taken LSD and is pirouetting with vomit spraying out of its mouth which is soaked with blood from the campers it mauled who had really bad B.O. and the polar bear has an ear infection and a bad case of fleas and he falls through the ice and dies and that's some tragic shiat, yo.
Re: “Bounty Blahs”
"all of her other starring vehicles blew ass"
"didn't have a hand in the writing of this crap"
"I guess Betty White wasn't available—or perhaps she thought the script was a piece of shit."
"even though he's a total dick."
"the stud who shows Stephanie the ropes and saves her ass multiple times"
"Jersey should be pissed."
That's six -- count 'em, six -- references to feces, urine, buttocks, and genitalia. Thanks for the creativity, Grimm.
© 2013 Tucson Weekly | 3280 E. Hemisphere Loop, Suite 180, Tucson AZ 85706 | P.O. Box 27087, Tucson AZ 85726-7087 | (520) 294-1200 | Powered by Foundation
Re: “James DiGiovanna's List of Films That Will Not Be Opening This Summer”
Excellent list Kirk.......gave me a good laugh.....