Colin Boyd did a terrific job reviewing this work since there are so few common touchstones to rely on. How can you describe such a piece! It's extraordinary. Makes you scratch your head, look away, look back again, dream, consider possibilities, look again, remember. In this day of homogenized humanity, Pina forces you to realize that other interpretations of reality, thank God, still exist!
Dark Shadows is a big film.
However, there are two redundancies in this sentence: "Upon his arrival in New York, Aladeen is kidnapped and tortured (by John C. Reilly in a brief walk-on), and his beard is removed so nobody will recognize the Supreme Oppressor's dead corpse."
A walk-on is brief by definition, and 100% of corpses are dead.
RE: "While I'm at it, I hate most jazz, too!".
Well thanks for fessin' up to your unsurprising bland range of taste "Grimmy". I guess its no coincidence then, that your 'picture-show reports' are typically about as insightful as a slow, thudding 4/4 "New Country" pop tune. (At least Joe Bob Briggs knew he was a parody of a reviewer....but he could also actually be clever.)
Whoops, sorry..Whedon just cowrote "Cabin", apparently (got some bad info from another review).
Actually Bob, Whedon also directed "Cabin in the Woods" - which sat on the shelf for 2 years due to MGM's financial troubles, and is also getting rave critical reviews...
What about a movie on Rogue Trooper?????...............
For MikeB, I assert that while it is relevant to the effort as a whole how closely or competently adapted the movie is, or the quality of the book itself, the real emphasis in a movie review is how the movie stands on its own as a movie. Often reading the book is informative as to what the movie might have intended or how it failed; sometimes it proves the brilliance of the adapters. Two examples come to mind: "Carrie" was a fairly short novel that was more than anything else of hint of what Stephen King was later able to do, but the movie version realizes the story and character much better. And if you liked the movie "Cocoon", stay far away from the book upon which it was sort of based; it was awful.
That said, and as a sort-of disclaimer: having read the first four "Game of Thrones" books, all three "Dragon Tattoo" books, and the first "Hunger Games" book, I look forward to watching for the first time season 1 of "Game of Thrones" and "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo", and will see "Hunger Games" when it comes out on premium cable. (After I read the books I then also watched the Swedish Dragon Tattoo trilogy; the American version will be an interesting comparison.) But I stand by my original assertion that a movie review should evaluate the movie primarily as such, independent of the source material or stories surrounding the making of the movie.
This might not matter as far as your film review goes, but the outfits as portrayed in the movie pretty much match the descriptions in the book. Clown-like and ridiculous. This review feels like it is from someone who never read the books, and I think the movie was designed for people who had.
"this is the first time a Dr. Seuss movie is less scandalous than the book itself" == whaaa???
I am trying to think of a Dr. Seuss movie that is scandalous.... Were you thinking instead of Henry Miller?
I think some critics are afraid to say oscar nominated people can do wrong. This movie is not the best of Bill Condon just like some oscar nominated actors and actressess are mediocre at best in spite of their oscar nods. Salma Hayek, Halle Berry, Jennifer Lawrence tend to give terrible performances but sometimes critics don't want to say so since these actresses carry their oscar nominated status wherever they go. And it's the same with directors. This movie proves that bill condo abilities are overrated. Even Chriz weiz made a better job with this crappy saga.
So's I'm watchin' the latest flick from Katie Heigl. Lemme tell ya, that dame's eyes are too far apart. Can't trust a fish-facey mug like that, though I'd still bone her. Who wouldn't?
See, the problem with that Katie Hi-girl is her movies are always mounds of turdage. Katie took a dump on her "Gray's Proctology" gig. Then she's in "Knackered Up" and what the fock does the bizzatch do in an interview? Drops a loaf on Judd Appachow, calling his sh*t "sexist." So yeah, Katie's a real ballbuster.
Anyhoo, here's Katie's new slab of sh*it-ema, "One for the Monkey." She plays a bail-bondsman, kinda when Ma'am Grier was in "Jockey Brown" playing opposite Robert Forskin. Lil' Katie Hi-Girl ain't as bitchin' as Grier and there sure as shag ain't no Quentin Tarantoenail at the helm. No way, this is a jive-ass production of the likes not seen since the last time Cameron Diaz threw a bulimiac slumber party. Talk about ho-bags in sleeping-bags.
I'm all up in the front row of the theater and my rear shanks get to itchin'. That's how I know this movie sucks rectal tunnel like a meth hooker on a silly straw. Speaking of the oldest profession, "One (Handjob) for the Money" has a character who is a hooker with a blood-pumper of precious metal, or "heart of gold" as the confused leprechauns say. She will even turn (verbal) tricks in exchange for Eegee's sandwiches. No word on her policy toward Eegee's jizzy fries.
"Eve Plumb for the Money" is the worst toilet-load of accumulated excrement I've ever seen outside of the Reese Withered-poon films they showed me when I was strapped down and my eyes clamped open for reprogramming. Real whorer-show.
This movie is like a drunken polar bear on roller skates who has taken LSD and is pirouetting with vomit spraying out of its mouth which is soaked with blood from the campers it mauled who had really bad B.O. and the polar bear has an ear infection and a bad case of fleas and he falls through the ice and dies and that's some tragic shiat, yo.
"all of her other starring vehicles blew ass"
"didn't have a hand in the writing of this crap"
"I guess Betty White wasn't available—or perhaps she thought the script was a piece of shit."
"even though he's a total dick."
"the stud who shows Stephanie the ropes and saves her ass multiple times"
"Jersey should be pissed."
That's six -- count 'em, six -- references to feces, urine, buttocks, and genitalia. Thanks for the creativity, Grimm.
Oh please, be very afraid of the evil killer (insert animal word here)! I like wolves, and think I'll give this one a miss.
If you stop going to bad movies, they'll stop making bad movies.
Where are the MUPPETS?
Using the Japanese tragedy as a lead-in to "what a horrible year in film!" is crass and tasteless.
Certainly everyone is entitled to their opinion. The "critics" are entitled to theirs and the public is entitled to think certain critics are sometimes snobs, wrong, and self serving.
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