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    Fruit Loops Everywhere
      A man was found not only living in squalor, but also having spread food and paint around his house in the belief that it would protect him from trespassers, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.
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    Bee Misdeed
      Someone, or more precisely several people, took a considerable amount of trouble to steal a very valuable quantity of ... well ... bees.
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      Die, Marriage, Die!; A Perfect 10
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    Vajayjay Dismay
      A UA employee was mildly traumatized when she encountered a graphic depiction of female genitalia in the women's restroom.
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    One Woman's Bad Day, Another's Bad Hair Day
      A woman randomly took her personal problems out on an unfortunate female convenience-store clerk—screaming, throwing things and even pulling out the clerk's hair.
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    “But Officer, I’m Speed-Blind!”
      A young man didn't even bother to make the lamest excuse when a cop caught him showing off the speed of his Chevy Camaro in the middle of town at 2 a.m.
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    One (very) tough customer
      A random gas-station patron on a Sunday morning was brutally unkind to an attendant—actually making her cry—for absolutely no discernible reason.
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    Not What You Want to See on Your TV
      A woman's friend left her a sarcastic parting "thank-you" note by etching an insult directly onto the woman's big-screen TV after she let the subject stay as a guest at her home, a PCSD report stated.
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      Possible public sex turns into a drug citation ... a man learns that drinking (all afternoon) and driving don't mix
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    A True Bagman
      Sheriff's deputies took one more local "seafood pusher" off the streets after they caught a guy in a southwest-side Walmart with numerous bags of frozen shrimp shoved down his pants.
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    Swank Sweatshirt Swindler
      A fashion-forward young man attending the UA had his dorm room mysteriously burglarized—and although all that was taken were three sweatshirt ... well, they were very expensive ones.
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    The Nonsmoking Gun
      A trailer-park woman who'd just quit smoking wielded an apparent rifle—later judged to have been a BB gun—at her neighbors' family due to her annoyance with their barking dogs.
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    Sadly, Not the Way It Works
      A drunk, hungry panhandler with an apparently strong craving for meat shoplifted scads of it after being denied the meat for free—justifying his theft by saying that if roles were reversed and deputies had been hungry and broke.
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    Billiards-Ball Toss
      An elderly woman, indubitably drunk and on drugs, caused a scene in a pub using a pool ball and some pretty rough language—before fleeing to her car to scream in the parking lot, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.
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    Cleanly Shaven? Yes! Bearded? Not Sure...
      A naked man trespassed in a random family's backyard, greatly alarming a teenage girl—despite his very friendly attitude and notably neat pubic region, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.
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