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    Fruit Loops Everywhere
      A man was found not only living in squalor, but also having spread food and paint around his house in the belief that it would protect him from trespassers, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.
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  • Police Dispatch

      Die, Marriage, Die!; A Perfect 10
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  • Police Dispatch

    Not What You Want to See on Your TV
      A woman's friend left her a sarcastic parting "thank-you" note by etching an insult directly onto the woman's big-screen TV after she let the subject stay as a guest at her home, a PCSD report stated.
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      Possible public sex turns into a drug citation ... a man learns that drinking (all afternoon) and driving don't mix
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    Cleanly Shaven? Yes! Bearded? Not Sure...
      A naked man trespassed in a random family's backyard, greatly alarming a teenage girl—despite his very friendly attitude and notably neat pubic region, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.
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      Fun and games on the UA campus, with three students inappropriately appropriating construction equipment and an airing of grievances between staff on the University's Facebook page.
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      Some words on the nature of this column
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      Shitzophrenia; Peep show with eggs
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  • Police Dispatch

    Super High

      A man who'd taken an unknown controlled substance got extremely high in a way such that he seemingly acquired superhuman strength—breaking down his apartment's heavy-duty front door and (according to his mother) actually throwing his large electric scooter, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

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