When I pay outrageous prices for a cheap scare I want those poorly paid actors to scare my pants off. Literally.
It looks like the folks at Shocktoberfest in Sinking Spring, PA have the right, sick and twisted idea. The haunted house is hosting an after hours nude tour for adult exhibitionist looking for a good scare. Who doesn't want to run around in the flesh with rotting flesh eating zombies chasing you?
There are some rules however:
Disclaimer: Shocktoberfest has created this experience so their customers can explore a new level of fear. This is about fear and pushing oneself out of their comfort zone. This is not about sex. No sexual misconduct, inappropriate or disrespectful behavior will be tolerated.
*Please note there is an additional cleaning charge if we scare the p*ss out of you!
That's a deal breaker.
What if I want to reenact a scene from one of my favorite horror films but not have the real fear of dying? I hope someone from the Slaughterhouse or Nightfall is reading and makes this a reality and takes it a step further. Tucson has to be more creative than Sinking Springs? It's like the underwear party but with a naked Leatherface swinging a chainsaw and more strobe lights. I want to go bloody streaking. Who's with me?
Pornhub, a YouTube-like site for pornography that many people reading this post will refuse to admit they've gone to, is no stranger to putting themselves in the public eye, as seen by their attempt to donate money to the Susan G. Komen Foundation with money raised from video views last October.
Now though, they're looking inwardly (ew) by tracking pornography stats from each state in the country.
Unsurprisingly, as Arizona is a melting pot of cultures and tastes, our citizenry apparently prefer to watch the melting pot of porn (ew ew ew): clip compilations, which one would assume get to the "good" stuff and get out just as quickly as they went in.
Apparently, Arizonans also prefer "creampie" and "teen" porn, which I'd rather not have to look up and explain to you all.
Something that might be pride-worthy to Arizonans, regarding their porn-viewing habits: they average more time at Pornhub than more than half of the country, around 10 minutes and 59 seconds, which dwarfs the measly 10 minute average for Rhode Island, but is beaten by Mississippi's substantial 11 minute, 59 second average — A FULL MINUTE LONGER. Apparently, they've got some staying power in that region of the south.
Unfortunately, unlike the last porn survey we found while performing perfectly legitimate web searches, this one doesn't log web searches as much as it does pay attention to the tags that people apparently dig, such as Nevada's preference for anita queen, Wyoming's searches for porn related to smoking, California's love of asian and massage porn (separate terms there), and Hawaii's preferred search term of hawaii.
If you want to dive into this research yourself, Pornhub has you and your deviant research desires covered here.
Also, in case you're not familiar with how to do so, you can open private browsing in Google Chrome by pressing Control+Shift+N — though that won't keep you from getting busted at work. Just saying.
Finally, a video on sex that's safe for work (although I suppose it depends on where you work) and educational, all because of the wonderful use of food to explain the differences between porn sex and real sex.
Oh, John McCain. It's like you're getting even cheekier in your old age.
Sen. McCain, along with a handful of other Congressmen and Senators, is one of the backers of the COINS Act, which calls for the elimination of the $1 bill, replacing it with a $1 coin, as seems to be the trend in many a western nation these days.
Last year, The Hill's In The Know blog noted that at least one D.C.-based gentleman's club owner feels that the switch to coins might hurt business — both for him, and his dancers — saying that "you can’t put a coin in a garter belt," and "I think it would be very awkward for everyone involved. How much more would a coin weigh than a dollar bill? It would be very hard."
One would argue that varying degrees of hardness is the exact point behind strip clubs, but that's neither here nor there.
When pressed about the predicament facing scores of the country’s skin-baring and bill-collecting women, McCain responded without missing a beat, “Then I hope that they could obtain larger denominations.”
The 76-year-old lawmaker began answering another reporter’s prying questions before cracking a smile and hollering to ITK down a Capitol hallway, “Fives, tens, one hundreds!”
I'm with Johnny Mac (which I now contend to be McCain's preferred name when he's making it rain in the nation's gentlemen's clubs): Let the market sort out which strippers deserve to be "pocketing" $5 bills and larger, and which should be getting hailed upon with Sacs (which I now contend to be the appropriate name for the Sacagawea dollar coins).
Women, do you just not feel that special spark when you're by yourself, trying to experience spending time with, uh, "yourself"?
Well, believe it or not, there's an app for that. Or at least, it's coming.
HappyPlayTime is an app that's designed to help women experience the joys of self-love with the help of an electronic aid that you probably won't have to hide in a nightstand!
From the HappyPlayTime mission statement:
Sexuality is one of the most basic instincts of human beings. Being comfortable with your own sexual pleasure is a prerequisite to both being able to healthily accept pleasure from others, and pleasing others. How can you exchange pleasure with someone else if you don't understand what your own body likes? That's why masturbation, and learning how to masturbate is such a fundamental life lesson.
Unfortunately for many women, there has been a cultural stigma that blocks access to self-stimulation. HAPPYPLAYTIME is here to eliminate this barrier as much as possible. By talking openly and lightheartedly about female masturbation, we are taking the first step to becoming truly sexually liberated.
And the first step, apparently, includes a cartoon vulva named Happy, showing you how to touch yourself properly.
The game is still currently in development (it's in its alpha build right now), but if you feel like giving it a quick run-through, head to HappyPlayTime.com to sign up to help test the game.
We tend to cover Kickstarter and other crowdsourcing sites a lot around here, and justifiably so considering the awesome things people tend to do with them (beer! art! film!)...but here's a particular crowdfunding site I honestly didn't expect to ever exist, for some reason: Offbeatr [NSFW, obviously], the crowdfunding site for pornographers seeking startup capital.
The Internet is useful for a great many things: sharing information, shopping and, of course, down-and-dirty hookups (looking at you, OKCupid.com).
Well, a young lady over at Reddit's Tucson subreddit (fancy name for "message board" for the uninformed) is asking where a woman of below-average attractiveness can get herself some lovin':
I'm looking for the best and cleanest bar (or bars) for an ugly girl (a 3 or a 4, chubby with an ugly face) to get picked up or at least meet someone?
New to Tucson as of two months ago and I don't know where to go yet.
Now, this lady appears to be hard up for some hard-ons, saying that she's "looking to get picked up, not make friends," and that she "knows [she's] ugly, [she's] not upset about it or anything." Realistic, I suppose, albeit heart-achingly so.
So Tucson, if you've got any suggestions for getting this woman someone to take care of her in the boudoir, feel free to head over to the Reddit thread in question, "Best & cleanest bar for an ugly girl to get picked up?" or leave a few comments down below.
Surely, someone in this town is willing to show her an evening she won't try too hard to forget about in the future, right?
Because if there's anything the Internet needs more of, it's ways to aid people in their quest to possess the Ultimate Penis.
According to Jezebel, Pfizer (the producer and pusher of Viagra) is having quite a hard [snicker] time as of late, as Viagra is the most counterfitted drug on the planet. See, Pfizer's patent on the pill to plump sagging gentleman's sausages runs through 2020, leaving legitimate producers of generic pills in the lurch, and giving black market makers of "Viagrower" or whatever the opportunity to bilk people into buying herbal remedies and dried bull semen — and everyone knows that the only legitimate use for bull semen is in energy drinks.
Semen tangent aside, Pfizer's onto something new and interesting here in their attempt to reach boner-pill users who are too embarrassed to actually jaunt down to the pharmacy to remedy their secret shame.
"It's a very interesting and novel approach," says Judson Clark, an Edward Jones analyst who projects that Viagra sales Viagra sales could continue to decline 5 percent each year for the next five years. "Whether it returns Viagra to growth is hard to say."
By making Viagra available online, Pfizer could be setting a new standard for the drug industry. "If it works, everybody will hop on the train," says Les Funtleyder, a health care strategist at private equity fund Poliwogg.
A Tucson Pastorela, presenting a timely satire by the Pastorela Ghostwriters, opens Thursday, Dec. 19, and continues… More