This year we offered our customers the ultimate Black Friday experience - the ability to buy nothing from us for $5. We took our entire store offline, and put up a simple payment form where people could give us $5.There's a (long) illustrated list of how the team spent the cash on their blog.
11,248 people gave us $5, and 1,199 people gave us more than $5 by filling out the form more than once. One enthusiastic fan gave us $100. In the end, we made a windfall profit of $71,145.
Cards Against Humanity is known for our charitable fundraising - since 2012 we've raised nearly $4 million for organizations we love like Worldbuilders, the Sunlight Foundation, the EFF, DonorsChoose.org, the Wikimedia Foundation, and the Chicago Design Museum. We even started a $500,000 full-ride scholarship for women getting degrees in science.
There's been a lot of speculation about how we would spend the money from Black Friday, and we're happy to announce that this time, we kept it all.
To assess the zombie-readiness of each place, they judged each city by a combination of three factors: resources, defense, and demographics. The higher the overall score, the better equipped the region is to survive.I'm personally not sure how Oro Valley is pulling out ahead in any competition that favors a "predominantly young" population. Still, if the next guy you match with on Tinder seems a little too into your brains, head north.
The cities that scored highly in the resources category were those with lots of hardware stores, sources of water, grocery stores or crop farms.
Your first instinct when faced with the possibility of total human destruction may be to just run, armed with whatever you may have picked up, with no particular destination in mind. But keep in mind that fighting off the undead is half the battle of surviving a zombie apocalypse—the other is making sure you have enough resources to keep yourself alive. Without a source of water, access to food (whether it’s canned or grown), and tools to create or reinforce a shelter, you might as well offer up your brains on a platter. With these metrics in mind, the Midwest, Pacific Northwest are the best places to build your zombie-proof home.
If you want to make sure you can defend yourself, areas with access to guns, ammunition manufacturing and military bases are the best places to go.
Luckily, areas with high concentrations of gun stores and ammunition manufacturing are scattered all throughout the country (especially in Nevada). If you weren’t a fan of the Second Amendment before, all it takes is an army of frenzied zombies to make you a convert.
Finally, towns with low population density and predominantly young, educated populations were deemed fit to adapt best to such an apocalyptic event.
Are we angry that an apparently dead issue is blocking our ability to celebrate America’s birthday? Yes!What musical do you think the Loft should play in lieu of Team America to celebrate the fourth of July?
Are we miffed that we’re being denied the ability to show this ridiculous little puppet movie for the 10th year in a row? You betcha!
Are we irritated that our annual potty-mouthed celebration of FREE F***IN’ SPEECH is being silenced? Yeppers!
Are we going to sit back and do nothing about it? Hell no!
You can expect an announcement of a replacement program soon. It won’t be Team America, but it will be patriotic, it will involve singing, and it will be FUN. May God bless you, and may God bless the United States of America.
You’d think legislation to guarantee women who have been raped full custody of the children born of those rapes would be pretty easy to pass right? Well, as Samantha Bee learned on The Daily Show Wednesday night, not so much.
Bee spoke with Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz and Shauna Prewitt, an advocate for women to have the right to full custody of their children without going through a legal battle for them, an issue some states have prevented but a startlingly large number of others have not. Wasserman Schultz’s Rape Survivor Child Custody Act had bipartisan support, but as Bee frustratingly found out, the original bill didn’t pass because it “actually spends money” — $5 million a year for five years, to be specific.
Monday's choice by the Supreme Court's to decline to hear several cases regarding same-sex marriage didn't mean same-sex couples now have a constitutional right to marry, but it did mean that in 30 states, same-sex couples can marry, either by the state's decision or through this Supreme Court non-ruling.
So, of course, people ARE FREAKING OUT about how the gays are going to ruin all the straight marriages, human sacrifices, dogs and cats are going to live together, mass hysteria, basically.
Hat tip to The Stranger's David Schmader for finding the saddest story ever, an op-ed reprinted by the Deseret News from Janna Darnelle, a Utah woman who had her life ripped apart and who won't stand for this tragedy to be repeated:
Every time a new state redefines marriage, the news is full of happy stories of gay and lesbian couples and their new families. But behind those big smiles and sunny photographs are other, more painful stories. These are left to secret, dark places. They are suppressed, and those who would tell them are silenced in the name of “marriage equality.”
But I refuse to be silent.
I represent one of those real-life stories that are kept in the shadows. I have personally felt the pain and devastation wrought by the propaganda that destroys natural families.
The sad part: Darnelle's husband left her in 2007 after ten years of marriage, announcing he is gay. Totally fair that Darnelle and her two children were devastated by that news. She certainly had expectations for how her life was going to be and this interruption was surely awful. Darnelle, unfortunately seems to believe that her husband woke up one day and decided to be gay, which is unlikely, but let's give her the fact that the "marriage" part of her life has been rough.
However, then the editorial gets a little unhinged:
USA Today did a photo journal shoot on my ex and his partner, my children, and even the grandparents. I was not notified that this was taking place, nor was I given a voice to object to our children being used as props to promote same-sex marriage in the media...
After our children’s pictures were publicized, a flood of comments and posts appeared. Commenters exclaimed at how beautiful this gay family was and congratulated my ex-husband and his new partner on the family that they “created.” But there is a significant person missing from those pictures: the mother and abandoned wife. That “gay family” could not exist without me.
There is not one gay family that exists in this world that was created naturally.
They took photos of her children STANDING NEXT TO GAYS. THE INJUSTICE.
Of course, it gets even worse for these kids as they've been absorbed in the Nightmarish Gay Underworld:
My children are brought to gay parties where they are the only children and where only alcoholic beverages are served. They are taken to transgender baseball games, gay rights fundraisers and LGBT film festivals...My son is now a maturing teen, and he is very interested in girls. But how will he learn how to deal with that interest when he is surrounded by men who seek sexual gratification from other men? How will he learn to treat girls with care and respect when his father has rejected them and devalues them?...
My daughter suffers too. She needs a dad who will encourage her to embrace her femininity and beauty, but these qualities are parodied and distorted in her father's world. Her dad wears makeup and sex bondage straps for Halloween. She is often exposed to men dressing as women...What is my little girl to believe about her own femininity and beauty? Her father should be protecting her sexuality. Instead, he is warping it.
The son? clearly going to end up gay as well. The daughter? Who even knows? Clearly, because of the rainbow-colored hellscape this woman is dealing with, we need to shut down gay marriage. And possibly ban bondage straps.
A Jewish teacher and his young Muslim student speak as equals about fate and free will, family… More