Just Plain Dumb

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Gowan Caves on BS Background Checks on Reporters

Posted By on Tue, Apr 12, 2016 at 1:10 PM

Who's smarter? House Speaker David Gowan or a bag of hammers?
  • Who's smarter? House Speaker David Gowan or a bag of hammers?
Arizona House Speaker David Gowan caved this morning on his plan to require background checks for reporters before they could go about their business, as they have more than three decades, on the floor of the House of Representatives. 

Given the ongoing roasting that Gowan was experiencing in press, it was only a matter of time before he'd admit defeat and let the press back on the House floor.

Howie Fischer, the dean of Capitol press corps, has the details here.
The Weekly would like to point out that we were telling voters that House Speaker David Gowan was a nitwit way before it was cool.

Back in 2006, we noted that Gowan was "as dumb as as a bag of hammers" after he sent out hit pieces targeting his then-opponent, state Rep. Marian McClure. (McClure was a class act and Gowan isn’t fit to shine her shoes, BTW.)

Despite his lack of smarts, Gowan—with the help of public dollars from the Clean Elections program—eventually managed to weasel his way into the House. And he has risen to the spot of House speaker, mostly because there were enough Republicans who figured he was the least dangerous alternative because he too dumb to get much of anything done.

But since landing that speaker job, he’s has had plenty of bad press, mostly based on his own inability to keep his piggy little snout out of the public trough.

So perhaps it’s not surprising that he tried to ban the media from reporting from the House floor.

Last week, as almost everyone now knows, Gowan’s team told all members of the Capitol press corps that they had to go through a bullshit “background check” to ensure that they didn’t pose some kind of security risk.

Continue reading »

Monday, March 21, 2016

Into the Mild: Rednecks For a Better World

Posted By on Mon, Mar 21, 2016 at 10:30 AM

Houston, Texas – December 2015

Could first impressions be worse?

There they were, the four of them talking so loudly to each other that they were almost yelling. Their Cajun accents were so strong that they would have better fit in a cartoon. Their voices drowned out the conversations in the seats next to them. Two of them had the lower lip and gum decay that only a lifetime of chewing tobacco can inflict on someone, and they all wore amazingly greasy hair. Despite the frigid December weather, they boarded the plane in sleeveless shirts and ripped jeans. Did I mention that they were loud?

My mind was set.

I fortunately sat far enough away that their voices faded out after 30 minutes and I slept deeply. I was awakened to an intercom announcement: “We are now making our final descent into Istanbul, please turn off all electronics and return your seat to the upright position.”

“Idunmind if they speak Turkush here, suhlonguz everone understanz English too!” cackled my Cajun friend. It had to have been a joke. Nobody who willingly leaves their own country really thinks like that. But nobody else was laughing. Not even the others in his group.

Continue reading »

Thursday, February 25, 2016

'Damn Daniel' is a Lame Meme

Posted By on Thu, Feb 25, 2016 at 9:00 AM


About a week ago, the Internet unearthed its latest meme—the ever-popular, always annoying "Damn Daniel" Vine

Most viral videos are at least a little funny, but "Damn Daniel" is not. Daniel Lara, the Vine's namesake, wears white Vans, but that's about all he does. The line, "Damn, Daniel, back at it again in the white Vans," spoken by Lara's friend, Joshua Holz—the guy behind the camera—is the alleged "humor" behind the Vine.

The Vine isn't really that funny, IMO, but I guess Ellen saw promise in the 14-year-olds behind it because she invited Lara and Holz to her show, giving them free "Damn Daniel" merch and Ellen-brand fame. 

"Damn Daniel" was pretty dumb. It made me wonder why the "Lebron James" kid or the "What Are Those" guy weren't invited to Ellen—those Vines were actually funny, after all. 

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Monday, February 15, 2016

Into the Mild: A New City, New Job, and New Overdose

Posted By on Mon, Feb 15, 2016 at 9:00 AM

Salvador, Brasil


I’ve never touched a drug in my life. The only possible exception would be when we tried to make a delayed-fuse piccolo pete bomb by poking a hole in a cigarette, putting the fuse of the piccolo pete through the whole, then inhaling to try to light the cigarette. It didn’t work. Instead I just coughed a lot and learned to hate the smell of tobacco. I don't drink alcohol. I even avoid caffeine when I can. Despite this, I ended up overdosing on legally purchased sleeping pills while using them for their stated purpose. Life’s a bitch, eh?

click image The sign at the entry to our hostel
  • The sign at the entry to our hostel
My first job in Brasil was at a holistic retreat in Arambepe. I worked daily from 7 a.m. to noon, handling anything from construction to helping at ayahuasca ceremonies. A month later, I went to coastal Salvador to work at a hostel. Overnight, I went from starting work at 7 a.m. in Arambepe to working nights and ending at 7 a.m. in Salvador. I enjoyed the night shift quite a bit. I only worked thrice a week and spent the first three hours of my shift hanging out with amazing people that I would be hanging out with at night anyways, then spent the rest of the night ironing sheets and watching Breaking Bad.  

In addition to working when I usually slept, I also started sleeping in a very active dormitory. These changes in my sleeping pattern completely threw off my internal clock. I was lucky to get four hours of sleep in a day. It started to catch up to me quickly so I went to a pharmacy and asked if they had anything light that could help. I declined the first thing offered and took the cheaper of the two medications. The recommended dosage was one pill, so I took them for a couple mornings. I looked up the pill online to see why it wasn’t working better and found out that it was generic brand valium. Normally I would worry about that but I still struggled to get more than four hours of sleep and I was exhausted all the time. I figured that valium or not, if I wasn’t getting more than four hours of sleep a night with it, it couldn’t be too dangerous to up the dosage. I finally felt horrible one night and took two.

Continue reading »

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Monday, February 1, 2016

Into the Mild: The Adventures of Jason and Hobbes

Posted By on Mon, Feb 1, 2016 at 11:00 AM

Traveling alone can be tough. When all of my snooty friends couldn’t join me because they had families or careers they couldn’t walk away from, I had to get creative in my search for a companion.

I left Tucson in June of 2014, traveling with a group of 500 soccer fanatics to watch the World Cup in Brasil. We were hundreds of strangers from across the US and everyone seemed to bond almost immediately

Then, after two weeks, they were gone.

I next stayed with a friend from Brasil, though she usually had school and I spoke no Portuguese at the time.

Then, after two weeks, I was on my own again.

I worked in Bahia for a month, then left and never saw my coworkers again. I repeated the experience in Salvador. And Ecuador. And Peru. You see the pattern. I was surrounded by people who wouldn't stay in my life. I was alone in a crowd. I wanted a permanent travel companion, flexible and adventurous.

So I made my own.

First came the pattern. I found this nifty guide, printed out a PDF of the design, bought some fleece, and got to work.


hobbes3.jpg


I started with the arms and legs. They were the easiest pattern, and as I had never sewn before, the least noticeable if/when something went wrong.

Continue reading »

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Friday, January 29, 2016

Arizona Is Back on Comedy Central Thanks to Dumb High School Kids & Their Racist Stunt

Posted By on Fri, Jan 29, 2016 at 8:17 PM


The dumb Phoenix-area kids who spelled out the N-word on their T-shirts got the attention of the Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore, although he gives them credit for "using asterisks to spell out hateful words." Ah, progress!

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Friday, January 22, 2016

Paranoia Strikes Deep: Stoned Weed Smugglers Call Cops on Themselves

Posted By on Fri, Jan 22, 2016 at 11:45 AM


EastIdahoNews.com has posted the audio of two pot smugglers who got a bad case of The Fear after smoking their own stash:
Authorities have released a 911 phone call from a drug trafficking arrest that has people shaking their heads.

The call, released by the Rexburg Police Department and obtained by EastIdahoNews.com, details an incident nearly a year ago on Jan. 23, 2015, when two out-of-state drug traffickers got high and called police to turn themselves in.

Leland Ayala-Doliente, 22, and Holland Sward, 23, were traveling from Las Vegas to Bozeman, Montana, with some 20 pounds of marijuana. Court documents show the men were using marijuana during their trip and when they entered Idaho, they felt they were being followed by undercover police officers.

Rexburg Police Cpt. Randy Lewis told EastIdahoNews.com that at the time they weren’t being followed by anyone.

Once they reached Rexburg, the pair exited U.S. Highway 20, parked their car and called 911. They said they just wanted the police to stop following them. 

Monday, November 30, 2015

The People Behind Cards Against Humanity are Still Terrible, Hilarious

Posted By on Mon, Nov 30, 2015 at 12:00 PM

I mean, they made themselves pretty clear. - CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY
  • Cards Against Humanity
  • I mean, they made themselves pretty clear.

Holiday shopping is inherently bad for savings accounts. Sometimes it seems like you're blowing through your budget and basically getting nothing in return. Sometimes you're depleting your budget and actually getting nothing.  

Remember last Black Friday when 30,000 people bought actual poop from Cards Against Humanity for $6 a pop? This year, the card game team wasn't looking to sell anything—They were more excited about the idea of buying some things for themselves.

They say:
This year we offered our customers the ultimate Black Friday experience - the ability to buy nothing from us for $5. We took our entire store offline, and put up a simple payment form where people could give us $5.

11,248 people gave us $5, and 1,199 people gave us more than $5 by filling out the form more than once. One enthusiastic fan gave us $100. In the end, we made a windfall profit of $71,145.

Cards Against Humanity is known for our charitable fundraising - since 2012 we've raised nearly $4 million for organizations we love like Worldbuilders, the Sunlight Foundation, the EFF, DonorsChoose.org, the Wikimedia Foundation, and the Chicago Design Museum. We even started a $500,000 full-ride scholarship for women getting degrees in science.

There's been a lot of speculation about how we would spend the money from Black Friday, and we're happy to announce that this time, we kept it all.
 There's a (long) illustrated list of how the team spent the cash on their blog. 

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