So, I'm not a celebrity stalker. I keep trying to tell myself that. Honestly, I try to attend all the events I post on the Range. I didn't really intend on going to see Fabio at Whole Foods on Speedway because no one wanted to go with me. Why would they? Who wants to see the guy that started in those cheesy butter commercial and romance novels.
I noticed my buddy Erick Bornmann, Electric Blankets guitarist, was going to Whole Foods to see the Italian model. I decided to tag along with him and his friend Adam because I wanted to see who would actually show up. We all decided to go to Fry's and buy some "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" for him to sign. Adam decided to bring a dirty, mangy glass duck to try get a reaction from Fabio.
Here's the video where Fabio was hit by a bird on a roller coaster at Busch Garden's in Virginia:
We entered the store and the line wrapped the entire produce section. It was slightly embarrassing when someone asked why I had a container of fake butter while I crowded the bath salt and organic soap section. I have never pissed off so many hippies with dreads in my life. There was a familiar face that stood in front of me. We met at the Meet Rack during the Kardashian fiasco. She was there to get a picture of a topless Fabio with a tiger to give to her boyfriend for Valentines Day.
Adam, Erick and I started chatting with everyone around us. Everyone was super fun and hilarious. There were men, women, wives, boyfriends, husbands and children waiting to meet Fabio. Someone told me they waited in line for two hours before they got to hear Fabio's 45 minute spill on his Healthy Planet protein mix. Fabio is very passionate about his product. Fabio went from the River location straight to a 4 hour signing at the Speedway location. That's dedication.
The best part was when Adam took the glass bird to Fabio. Fabio didn't realize where Adam was going with this, but he signed it anyway. Right as Fabio turned around the glass duck magically fell and shattered on the ground. One of Fabio's assistants tried to piece it together, but the duck was dead.
The soulless handshake and terrible picture with Fabio was pretty cool, but talking to my fellow crazy Tucsonans was priceless. The next time you're in a line for anything, do yourself a favor, talk to the person infront and behind you because you never know what kind of lifelong memories and friendships you will form.
Watch out for the assholes because they're everywhere.
Roadrunner Theatre Company is thrilled to extend this hit production to Oro Valley patrons at The Gaslight… More