Like many NBA teams with no shot at being successful anytime soon, the Phoenix Suns have taken it upon itself to do whatever it can to get lined up for one of the expected plethora of top prospects available in the 2014 draft.
For most of the league's also-rans, this just means dumping any players with talent in order to put together a roster so pathetic it's almost guaranteed to result in a bottom-of-the-standings record and the corresponding high draft spot.
But it appears the Suns are taking it one step further and implementing the look-bad, play-bad approach.
With that being said, I bring you the 2013-14 Phoenix Suns uniform lineup, which (of course) was unveiled before a packed crowd of people at Scottsdale Fashion Square who happened to be getting Cinnabon or Sbarro and stumpled upon the event:
Yes, those are sleeves on the alternate orange jersey. And yes, there are fancy-schmancy suns bursts on the shorts:
Not even delving into the fact the 'SUNS' part makes me think of Snus smokeless tobacco — I smell a sponsorship deal!!!!! — the jerseys overall look way too much like the early 90s uniforms popularized by Charles Barkley, which themselves were hideous.
Ultimately, though, the new unis will still probably sell a shit ton's worth, which is really the only reason the Suns keep changing them (this is the fourth change since 1968, by the way). And for anyone who's on the fence about making a new purchase, you can read this flowery article from the Arizona Republic that basically reads like a press release as far as describing the unis' "nine speed rays coming off the numbers symbolize the nine former players in the team’s Ring of Honor" and other such blah, blah, blah.
Come enjoy 3 of the whimsicalest wildest weirdest most savory sugary and spicily seasoned musical configurations of… More