Thursday, August 15, 2013

The "White Women" We Assume Would Make a Great New First Lady

Posted By on Thu, Aug 15, 2013 at 9:00 AM

As incredible as it is that First Lady Michelle Obama is behind the production of a hip-hop album (even if it is one designed to promote her campaign to fight childhood obesity), apparently some people find it even more incredible that Mrs. Obama is doing more than just standing behind her husband and waving—a job that, apparently, only a white woman can handle properly.

From TucsonWeekly.com commenter Dottie (emphasis ours):

HOW CAN ANYONE BE SURPRISED, ALL HE EVER WANTED WAS A MOTOWN CONTRACT, AND HIS LOSER WIFE RAPS, AMERICA IS GOING INTO THE TOILET. THERE'S A FIRST LADY FOR YOU, WHAT A PATHETIC COUPLE THERE IS NO HOPE FOR AMERICA, ALL IS LOST. IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNEW IT. WE NEED A WHITE FIRST LADY, ANYONE WILL DO, IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE. OFF WITH THEIR HEADS, IMPEACH, EVICT, THERE MUST BE A SINKING SHIP WITH THEIR NAMES ON IT SOMEWHERE, WHAT A LAUGHING STOCK WE ARE. I REMEMBER WHEN AMERICA WAS GREAT, ALAS NOT NOW, RAP THIS

With Dottie's racist screed insightful comment in mind, we've decided to put together an unordered list of the white women who, presumably, could do a better job at being a wife, mother and national figure than Michelle Obama, according to our commenter's strict guidelines in mind:

- Ke$ha
- Amanda Bynes
- That woman who was sexting Anthony Weiner
- Jan Brewer
- Honey Boo Boo's mom
- Any and all of the white "Real Housewives"
- Pretty much anyone who has ever been on a reality show, for that matter (as long as they're white, of course, so basicially all of the contestants on The Bachelor)
- The Olsen twins, in a marriage that would simultaneously legalize polygamy throughout the nation because that's how his powers as President work, probably
- Courtney Love circa 1994
- Hillary Clinton
- Hilary Swank
- Any ladies featured in Swank Magazine ("ladies" being a loose descriptor)
- Flo, from the Progressive commercials
- Anna Nicole Smith, circa her TrimSpa days
- Nancy Grace

Obviously, this isn't a complete list of the women who could surely do a superior job of being the First Lady of the United States (again, according to Dottie's stringent requirements), but we're trying our best. If you have any suggestions that we will, at some point, forward on to our Commander-in-Chief — that is, if he's not too busy trying to get a guest spot on Charles Bradley's next album.

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