Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Congrats On Your Parole, OJ. Now, Go Back To Your Cell

Posted By on Wed, Jul 31, 2013 at 4:30 PM

No white Broncos this time. No ill-fitting gloves, fame-seeking judges or Kardashian-producing attorneys. Just a simple ruling for OJ Simpson, one that grants the infamous football player/ham sandwich actor/alleged murderer parole on a handful of the charges he was convicted of five years ago.

But since he still has to stay in prison, what the heck does it matter?

The Nevada Board of Parole Commissions granted Simpson, 66, parole for good behavior during his stint at Lovelock Correctional Facility in Nevada. But the parole only applied to two kidnapping, two robbery and one for burglary with a firearm conviction.

The rest of his convictions, all of which were part of a 33-year sentence for his involvement in a 2007 memorabilia robbery gone bad in Las Vegas, do not offer the chance for parole until nine years have been served. That's four years from now, so in the meantime OJ should probably continue to work on his whittling and toilet wine skills.

There had been talk that, had Simpson won a complete parole that would have let him out of prison now, he would almost immediately return to his acting career. Naturally, that meant picking up a guest spot on Charlie Sheen's train wreck of a sitcom, Anger Management.

Since no new glimpses of Nordberg (his eponymous character from the Naked Gun movies) will be coming around anytime soon, it's best to end this blog with some classic OJ work. With Polish subtitles, naturally.

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