Tuesday, May 7, 2013

An Internet Hero Watched the Shockingly Boring 'Teen Mom' Porno

Posted By on Tue, May 7, 2013 at 3:32 PM

So, as we continue with news and updates regarding the fact that May is apparently Masturbation Month, it seems that now would be as good a time as any to mention that Teen Mom "star" Farrah Abraham took part in a "sex tape" with noted porn star James Deen — a "sex tape" that was sold to the purveyors of pornography Vivid Entertainment for a sum that was somewhere in the neighborhood of a million dollars.

Why is this notable? Well, for one, Abraham made an effort to make this seem like this was a "leaked sex tape" and not something that she negotiated to give Deen money for. I mean, she did butt stuff on camera and made it seem like this was an average evening with her boyfriend (who, again, happens to be someone who regularly has sex with a lot of people for money).

Thankfully, unless you really feel like watching terrible pornography, Salon's Tracy Clark-Forey made the decision to watch it for everyone — and if she's a reliable source, apparently the entire thing, dialogue especially, is god-awful watching (emphasis from the original):

Eventually, they got to it, and I realized that I actually preferred the asinine conversation. At one point, I got sick of the exaggerated moaning and muted it. It got to the anal and I was just kind of like, “Whatever, I wonder what people are talking about on Twitter.” It was so tedious that I started taking Photo Booth snapshots of my own expression while watching it. My bored face was more entertaining than the video itself. There was lots of finger-tapping on my desk. Aside from the fact that I had awkwardly positioned myself with my back to the wall, so as to avoid traumatizing my coworkers, witnesses might have reasonably assumed that I was reviewing a lengthy legal brief.

I imagine there's nothing more tedious than viewing bad porn, especially for work. But, I will say, having "Farrah Abraham: Backdoor Teen Mom" on the expense report form has got to be fun in its own right.

Oh, and if you want to see NSFW stills of the terrible porn flick, Gawker has you covered — though honestly, the terrible boob job Abraham underwent makes it not even worth viewing.

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