I've never wanted to be an Arizona State University student, alum or staff member than I do right now.

(Full disclosure: I've never wanted any of those things in any amount, ever before)

It'd almost be worth it to pay whatever fee it costs to "apply" to ASU — remember, Ned Flanders has noted that the only thing easier to get into is the Simpsons' version of Heaven — just so I'd get the chance to vote in the, ahem ... contest to see which of four selected upgrades to the iconic Sparky Sun Devil mascot gets chosen.

ASU opened the voting for this really important decision on Monday, but for the two-week voting period only people with an asu.edu address can choose.

This oh-so-Democratic process comes not long after Girls Gone Wild University and Casino randomly unveiled an uber-upgrade of Sparky, without warning, that basically resembled the love child of the V for Vendetta protagonist and the Nasonex bee, with the Honey Nut Cheerio there for the threesome:

The backlash from the latest Disney-generated monstrosity was so big that ASU backtracked quicker than Sean Miller could say 'He Touched The Ball.' The school then said they'd let the public pick which updated Sparky would roam the sidelines at Sun Devil Stadium, wander the empty sections of Wells Fargo Arena and show off gymnastics moves during unnecessary times.

These are the choices:

Basically, it's a matter of choosing whether you want little or BIG eyeballs, whether those eyeballs should be black or ASU maroon, and whether Sparky's smile should be all teeth or show a little mouth hole (thank God there's no tongue).

Voting is open until May 5, which is plenty of time to meet the ASU admission requirements: namely, forking over a little cash and somehow proving you're not a corpse. Though the second part is negotiable.