Thursday, March 7, 2013

Is R. Kelly's "Ignition (Remix)" Great Enough to Be Our New National Anthem?

Posted By on Thu, Mar 7, 2013 at 1:48 PM

According to the poster of a petition on the White House's We The People site, it absolutely is.

Unlike some people in this office, I'm not mad about '90s R&B — though I'm growing a hell of an attachment to Frank Ocean's Channel Orange as of late.

Still, this petition seems to be getting some traction, and it's sufficiently hilarious, because who the hell (aside from some people in this office) would actually give this petition a lengthy look, much less sign it?

Still, the argument exists. And it's not terrible:

We, the undersigned, would like the Obama administration to recognize the need for a new national anthem, one that even a decade after its creation, is still hot and fresh out the kitchen. America has changed since Francis Scott Key penned our current anthem in 1814. Since then, we have realized that after the show, it's the afterparty, and that after the party, it's the hotel lobby, and—perhaps most importantly—that 'round about four, you've got to clear the lobby, at which point it's strongly recommended that you take it to the room and freak somebody. President Obama: we ask you to recognize the evolution of this beautiful country and give us an anthem that better suits the glorious nation we have become.

Okay, it's kinda terrible. But, y'know, we might be due for a fresher anthem. If you've got suggestions, lay 'em down in the comments. Personally, I'm all about sliding over to "America the Beautiful" for an anthem, but if someone wanted to drop down something like Kid Rock's "Cowboy," I could see their point—for a moment, before pushing for their deportation.

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