Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Today in Strange First Sentences of News Stories

Posted By on Tue, Jul 31, 2012 at 5:00 PM

From the Oregonian, a story that turns out far better than one might expect:


A man who was intoxicated and masturbating to pornography when he drove a stolen car through the crime scene tape surrounding the homicide of a teen-age boy last year will not have to register as a sex offender.

In case you don't feel like actually reading the story, the once-intoxicated masturbator has been participating in drug treatment and has apparently cleaned up his life, leading to the judge allowing the man to withdraw his guilty plea for public indecency. Hooray for happy endings, right?

Tags: , , ,

Comments (3)

Showing 1-3 of 3

Add a comment

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-3 of 3

Add a comment

More by Dan Gibson

Today | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | Sun | Mon
Slow Flow Yoga

Slow Flow Yoga @ Floor Polish

Tuesdays, 5:45-6:45 p.m.

All of today's events | Staff Picks

Staff Pick

OSCAR NOMINATED SHORT FILMS 2017: ANIMATED

Catch all of this year’s Oscar nominated short films on the big screen! Predict the winners and… More

@ Loft Cinema Thu., Feb. 23, 7:30 p.m. and Sun., Feb. 26, 2 p.m. 3233 E. Speedway Blvd.

» More Picks

Submit an Event Listing

Popular Content

  1. T.H.R.E.A.T. Watch: Bless, Keep and Protect Our Free Press (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)
  2. Mordecai Needs a Home (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)
  3. Cinema Clips: XX (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)
  4. Song of the Day: Billy Sedlmayr Weighs In On, What? 'Beautiful Thing' by The Stone Roses (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)
  5. Cinema Clips: John Wick: Chapter 2 (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)

© 2017 Tucson Weekly | 7225 Mona Lisa Rd. Ste. 125, Tucson AZ 85741 | (520) 797-4384 | Powered by Foundation